🥘 Beyond Cupcakes: How Shared Meals Can Help Build Real Trust in Teams

Recently, I read a fantastic article by a colleague, Daniel Murray, heralding “Ditch the Cupcakes… You Need Team Trust, Not Rapport.” If you haven’t read it yet, it’s worth your time. It brilliantly calls out those awkward, obligatory office gatherings—the ones with cupcakes and forced smiles—meant to boost morale, but which often leave people cold.

The article’s core message is spot on: trust, not rapport, is the bedrock of high-performing teams. And trust isn’t built on sugary snacks or strained small talk—it’s forged through shared challenges, candour, and psychological safety.

But while I wholeheartedly agree that tokenistic food-based rituals won’t cut it, I’d like to offer a friendly extension of the argument: when done right, food is not the distraction—it’s the invitation.

Food, shared meaningfully and intentionally, has a unique power to build trust, create belonging, and foster genuine team culture. It’s not about cupcakes. It’s not even about the food, really. It’s about how we come together around it.

So, is it possible for food to move beyond the token gesture and become a tool for genuine connection in the workplace?  I think it is.

1. Make the Food Meaningful, Not Token

Let’s face it—cold pizza in a boardroom isn’t exactly a recipe for inspiration. Nor are supermarket cupcakes with “EOFY” iced on top. As Murray aptly puts it, "Hoo-bloody-ray" indeed.

When food is chosen with thought and care, it communicates something deeper: “You matter. This time matters.” That might mean meals cooked fresh, food sourced from local suppliers, or something as simple as taking the time to find out what people actually like to eat.

Meaningful meals honour time, culture, and effort. They're not about ticking a box—they’re about creating a space where people feel seen.

2. Let Food Be a Mirror of Your Team’s Diversity

A one-size-fits-all approach to food often excludes more than it includes. When meals reflect the cultural, dietary, and personal preferences of your team, you send a clear message: “You belong here.”

Where practical, invite team members to bring dishes from their own traditions. Rotate menus to reflect global cuisines. Think vegetarian, gluten-free, halal, low-FODMAP—whatever your team needs to feel safe and welcome at the table.

Food that embraces diversity doesn’t just fill stomachs—it builds bridges.

3. Use the Meal as a Moment, Not a Distraction

A hastily thrown-together snack break may pull people away from their desks—but it doesn’t bring them closer together. Instead, treat meals as an opportunity for meaningful pause.

Ask real questions. Reflect on wins and challenges. Celebrate milestones. Create rituals around food that allow space for vulnerability, storytelling, and listening.

In these moments, food isn’t the focus—it’s the framework. It creates a container where connection can unfold.

Trust Needs a Table, Not a Token

The original article was absolutely right: we can’t shortcut our way to trust. No cupcake, no matter how charming the emoji, how delicious the icing, will do the heavy lifting.

But when we approach food with intentionality—when we use it not as a bribe or a buffer, but as a bridge—something shifts.

People talk. People listen. People connect.

The adage "people come out for food" is true. The caveat? They won't come if the food is ill-considered, untimely or if the reason to gather is forced.

Food is never the full story—but when shared meaningfully, it’s often the beginning of one.